May 10, 2015 – Mother’s Day

Today just happens to be Mother’s Day and I was unaware. I knew I just had to write about something important (I think) and now it wouldn’t be right not say a bit about Mother’s Day.

I heard on a TV program recently (Blue Bloods I think) that Valentines day was made up just to sell more greeting cards and so on. I believe it’s just a popular saying, but it’s truth (Valentines day) has a richer history. I suggest you check it out!

Another saying I heard is that Father’s Day has the most collect calls of all the holidays with Mother’s Day coming in second. You can verify this on snopes. It kinda makes me sad to tell you this. No , I don’t have any answer as to why.
(http://www.snopes.com/holidays/fathersday/collect.asp)

One of the commandments is honor thy mother and thy father and for the most it should be as such. There are mothers and fathers that perhaps never heard that before, If they did, they didn’t question why. When working as a case worker for the county I discovered a great many who were unaware or didn’t care. I can tell you stories upon stories and I have my own as I was growing up as well.

I had to stop there as in my heart I recalled so many horrible things I witnessed or had to deal with and that went into my life from the past.

I was going to write about that.

I felt a large loud voice saying ‘You can’t’! (and then I stopped writing) It was strong enough to stop my own thinking. It was in my head?

I then had thoughts that there are good and bad in everything and you know that!

I stopped writing here and haven’t come back until now. No kidding.

It’s a Sunday later so this was started on Mother’s day and the original reason for the post is lost for now but it will come back again. I’m positive.

How my understanding of one of the commandments started to make sense came in a discussion with someone (don’t recall who) that said … you do know that it was for good moms and dads! They should be honored shouldn’t they? I said I didn’t know. That was many years ago after my wife died. I wish I had come to that full understanding long before that! Here are a few stories although certainly not happy to me, but important to understand why we now celebrate a happy mothers or fathers day.

I was young when many of these things happened and even in my early teens as I was gullible and still am! Later it was my wife Connie who protected me often in understanding by showing me … !

My grandmother was my whole world up until she died when I was 11. She always held me each night very tightly and coerced many others into giving me anything I wanted or needed regardless of the cost. She managed to turn the whole immediate family into a system of chaos starting with her children. Her husband (my grandfather) never mattered nor was he ever loved! She told him that on the afternoon of her death.

Looking back and hearing and discovering many more things some became clearer and others more confused.

Her son Billy could do no wrong and he got everything including the collie he wanted. My mother was to be abused and told what she did was of little value. I can’t verify this but my mother came to be disabled as a teen resulting from actions of my grandmother. My mother did do many awesome things but it was too late for her. Maybe from the start!

For example, she won a national contest put on by Hughes aircraft! She drew concepts of new jet aircraft and super aircraft to transport men and other designs as I understood ( She was a great artist I discovered). She was given a new 1944 – 5 (?) Pontiac I believe with all the trimmings. There was also a cash prize and a great job with great money ( no one could remember). She got to meet with Mr. Hughes and was put in with the senior designers and more out in LA. He (Mr. Hughes) got her a place for her to stay and I guess even paid for it as well ( it was for a year to start until she could settle in ) Can you imagine being a 19 or 20 year old!?!? She could have been set but grandma stayed and stayed for weeks. She began to call in every day to talk to Doris (mother’s name) which didn’t go over well at the plant I’m sure. Grandma’s manipulation finally got Mr Hughes to help her get home ( of course with my mother) and the result was she sold the car and got two train tickets to Syracuse and took her mother back. Grandma was great at laying guilt. I remember that! Mom never got back as she was needed to help Billy (her brother) get ahead and more. Billy was more important! Mom became a concierge for Hotel Syracuse for many years. Nevertheless she never got back to that job in LA. Dad said she cried about that for too many years!

I got into this as a couple examples of the many things her mother did to her. One more that at least had some humor in it as relayed by my grandfather.

It started out to begin with that Grandma (her mother) said she had to go along with her to protect her ‘precious’ daughter. Mom had an uncle that she was close to out in Albuquerque NM. It was on the way to Los Angeles Calif.

That night, Mom stayed much longer than she had planned at Uncle Albert’s. Grandma didn’t go for a number of reasons I was told. For many years later my grandfather would tell me things he felt I should probably know. Truth was important to him and guessing that is where I got the basis from.

This is one story that I found funny too though it was awhile before I really understood! Apparently, while she was gone grandma had plans to manipulate things into what she wanted and to hell with everyone else! My grandfather related that his daughter was to come back by 7 or 8 PM. When my mom got back here my grandma had a rope from the ceiling and a chair below it set up. The short story is grandma fell asleep and mom came home to discover that scene! My Dad (grandfather) said he could imagine every time she would hear a car grandma would jump up on the bed and get ready .. He figured she probably did that a couple dozen times which made him laugh! I know I did!

My mother was a piece of crap to her mother. The only one that mattered was Billy and he could do no wrong! Sadly she carried on that behavior with me. I think you get the idea. That was always a touchy point with me about honoring parents and I had many! I always felt guilty and believed I was committing close to what would be a MORTAL SIN if I even thought to not honor! God was going to turn me into a bucket of crispy chicken!

Then at 11, although I was traumatized with grandma’s death I began to feel I was free … no kidding! I also felt guilty for another 20 years!

Life is not easy and before you say I knew that — stop! We assume everyone had a good mother and / or father because … ! This world is broken as are all of us at times, so to speak!

I have gone this route (not planned) to remind all of us that not all of us are so lucky. If we had a mother that we wish to take time out to spend with her (dad on father’s day) then consider it a huge prayer that God answered yes to! Celebrate! Rick =)

PS. You’re allowed to do this 8 or 10 times a week if you want to! It will help to relieve some of the false guilt you have for snitching cookies – but she knew anyway!

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